I feel if you make a promise to an individual, you should keep it. Including marriage vows. If you don’t feel you can keep the vow, you owe it to the other, to be honest. And tell them before you choose to cheat. No matter where that takes you. I have always said I would do that. IF, I ever would choose to do such a thing, There would never be any surprises that way. And I would expect the same from my spouse or lover. Much better to know, than not know. Or hear it from another source, That’s just my belief.
Up to the individuals. I would never pretend to understand what goes on in others' relationships, but as long as they have healthy, agreed upon boundaries - and are transparent and do no harm, then do as you will.
A long-time lover that your spouse is aware of and interacts with sounds like a mutually-accepted arrangement. Truthfully, I think monogamy is a construct humans aren't really wired for. Many couples make it work, anyway. Some don't and it causes heartbreak and grief. And some find a way to accept that they can't be everything to each other, but it's still worth being together. None of them are necessarily "good" or "bad", they're just human. Expecting people and relationships to fit into tidy little societally-enforced boxes is perhaps what's outmoded.
I feel if you make a promise to an individual, you should keep it. Including marriage vows. If you don’t feel you can keep the vow, you owe it to the other, to be honest. And tell them before you choose to cheat. No matter where that takes you. I have always said I would do that. IF, I ever would choose to do such a thing, There would never be any surprises that way. And I would expect the same from my spouse or lover. Much better to know, than not know. Or hear it from another source, That’s just my belief.
Up to the individuals. I would never pretend to understand what goes on in others' relationships, but as long as they have healthy, agreed upon boundaries - and are transparent and do no harm, then do as you will.
A long-time lover that your spouse is aware of and interacts with sounds like a mutually-accepted arrangement. Truthfully, I think monogamy is a construct humans aren't really wired for. Many couples make it work, anyway. Some don't and it causes heartbreak and grief. And some find a way to accept that they can't be everything to each other, but it's still worth being together. None of them are necessarily "good" or "bad", they're just human. Expecting people and relationships to fit into tidy little societally-enforced boxes is perhaps what's outmoded.