Aging in Another Place
You're never to old to change it up, right?
I am finding the Italian attitude toward “elders” to be very different from what I perceive as the norm in the United States. In the USA, older people are invisible and, unless famous, largely irrelevant. In Italy, the knowledge and sensitivity that accrues after many decades on this delicate planet is cherished and celebrated. I see this in the interactions on the street: A 30-something woman stops a 70-ish man for a catch-up chat. Clearly, they have not seen each other in a while. After a warm embrace, the conversation jumps around with genuine, not feigned, curiosity, interest, and enjoyment. This process involves, not 30 seconds of shallow chatter, but five minutes of quality conversation. One can see this on any street, in any city or town. Last week at an Ennio Morricone tribute performance in the tiny jewel of a theatre in Noto, Sicily (Teatro Communale “Tina di Lorenzo”), the audience was largely 70+. The waving, glancing, and gesturing between the boxes on either side and the audience below was intoxicatingly joyous. Not a one person felt unseen or irrelevant. It was a privilege to be in their not-quite-raucous company.
This is demonstrated again when we see a kid (@18) encounter a man (@80) in a restaurant. They clearly haven’t seen each other in awhile, and the kid is bursting with pride to introduce his girlfriend to the man, who is in turn thrilled to meet her, his sparkling blue eyes full of affection and curiosity. They chat animatedly, with hand motions aplenty, for about 10 minutes. (I would note here, for your viewing pleasure, that the verb “to chat,” in Italian is chiacchierare—say kee-ack-kee-er-AH-re.)
My Italian teacher in Florence calls her mother once a day, and not because it’s expected of her, but because her day would feel empty otherwise. She is 35. Her mother’s first words to her, every day: “What did you eat?”
I had to be bound and gagged to call my mother more than once a month. But that’s another story.
One of the most interesting voices on Substack these days—and that’s saying a lot!—is Kirsten Powers at Changing the Channel. (I subscribed; you might want to, too.) Kirsten is ex-CNN, a New York Times bestselling author and, amongst many other current activities, lamenting the current State of our (dis) Union, buying land in Italy, and planning an eventual permanent move. Her post The Way We Live In The United States Is Not Normal is, I believe, required reading. Here’s a teaser:
“I realized there are other places in the world (not just Italy) where life isn't about conspicuous consumption and "crushing" and "killing" your life goals, where people aren't drowning in debt just to pay for basic life necessities. There are places where people have free time and where that free time is used to do things they love — not to start a side hustle.
I started to have a dawning awareness that we don't have to live this way.
I also began to notice how calm I felt in Italy for extended periods, even when working from there, so it wasn't due to being on vacation. I could feel my nervous system settle. I noticed how I began to find the famous Italian inefficiency charming. It was a kind of quiet rebuke to the productivity fetish in the United States, where businesses are forever trying to "optimize" and "streamline" to please their shareholders and enrich their CEOs while making life increasingly miserable for their employees.” (Link to itals over in Powell’s Substack.)
When I wrote to her in a comment that we might be too old to contemplate a cross-ocean move, she responded to me directly: “You are not too old! Pls don’t buy into all the US ageism—in other countries you would be considered young!!!”
And walking around Noto, and Ortigia, in Sicily, I am coming to believe that she is right.
Maybe we are younger than we think we are. (Where are my reading glasses? Oh shit, I forgot—I haven’t needed reading glasses since my cataract surgery. Doh.)
Damn, gonna go put on my new caftan and take a breather.
Note: The post comments here are disabled while I am in Europe because I have a strangely dedicated “hater.” I will re-enable them when I return to the USA and hope to hear from you.
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Tidbits For The Week of June 3, 2024
Brigit’s What I’m
CURRENTLY LOVING ➡️ All the iterations of mortadella (aka "Morty-D;" IYKYK) that I tasted last week in Sicily. THINKING ABOUT ➡️ My next project, fiction, which is currently taking on an exciting shape all its own. LISTENING TO ➡️ The late, oh-so talented Kirsty McColl: "In THESE shoes?", heard for the very first time 3 years ago on the superb station Radioactive Sifnos; we've just arrived here and are listening to the station again. What new discoveries await?